totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
