Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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