One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
