i don't plan on having that self control this summer
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
