i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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