you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
