she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
