she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
