everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
be right there i have to get my cape
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
