3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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