Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize