dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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