Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
