it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
is it fun? or sober?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
