so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
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Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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