he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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