my mouth tastes like poor choices
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
