I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
smell my finger.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
