none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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