A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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