Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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