Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
