spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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