my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
