i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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