sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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