She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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