At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
