OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
