we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
