dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
