Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
