Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
