If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
