I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
