Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
