sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
