sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
