Three words: puerto rican gang bang
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
