Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
