I bet he comes in French.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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