no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
