WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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