:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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