i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
