she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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