Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
