it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We got so high we made milksteak
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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