Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
