the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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