My cat gives me a boner
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
