Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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