now i know why i became what i already was.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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