I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
