mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
