She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
