just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
