So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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