shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
