Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
