The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
