I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
