Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
