I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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