I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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