she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
