Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
