Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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