So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
