so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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